Be Positive … Or Not

Dreams are funny things. As parents, we tell our children they can be anything. The untapped potential of the newborn baby could be driven in a myriad of different ways. That new child in your hands could be the president, famous actor, captain of industry, or just about anything. As adults, we know that isn’t necessarily true for ourselves. We’ve long since exhausted the span of possibilities and have narrowed it down to just a few small hopes and dreams.

But that isn’t to say our dreams aren’t important. You can have dreams as short lived as wanting to run a 5k. With a good month’s time, running a 5k is very doable. Becoming a better cook by taking classes at the local community college is totally within the realm of what is accomplished as an adult. However, if you are going to have the dream to climb to the top of Mount Everest or obtain your own reality television show on the cooking channel, you are not likely going to be able to do that in the next few months and likely not in the next few years.

When you start out as an author, it is better to start in bite sized chunks rather than simply trying to sit down and punch out a 50,000 word novel. Even having three novels under my belt, I still set a goal of only about 1,000 – 2,000 words a session. Some people, professionals, will tell you that is actually quite a bit and I am pushing myself too hard to make content. There are some authors who’ll tell you that’s a mere drop in the bucket and I need to push harder. Ultimately, the decision of how much or how little to write is completely up to you.

Starting out, always keep in mind the following

  • Write for the love of writing
  • No one ever creates gold spun brilliance every time they sit down at the keyboard; even the masters have editors
  • No one is going to knock on your door and give you a million dollar publishing contract, that doesn’t happen
  • It may be ten years, or more, before you break even in this business
  • Don’t obsess over the things you aren’t good at, focus on the things you are
  • Live every day for forward momentum
Be Positive or Not

I can’t tell non-writers how easy it is to slip into a pit of despair over the progress of your writing career. They would not understand. It’s up and down … then up and down again. When you are convinced it has all ended and there is no way your life will ever have any meaning. Boom—like a shot in the dark, you’re back on top again when someone you admire notices your work.

I am miles away from being where I want to be, as a writer, but I try to keep in mind the advice of my editor. This is a marathon and not a sprint. Slow and steady wins it over time. I focus on my goal and then set new ones as needed.

What I am trying to tell you all is that it is not easy and some days I am a little harder on myself than I intend to be; just like Hemmingway or Poe. I guess that is just all part of wearing the plumed hat of an author so don’t be too hard on yourselves and don’t give up.

-Your Humble Servant,


Websites not make one great!

Yoda once said, “Wars not make one great.” Sounds reasonable to me. Recently, I was reminded of this quote when my daughter said something catching me completely off guard. Janette said, “Dad, you’re famous!” She was very excited by her discovery. As many of you might imagine, I was amused and more than a little befuddled. I think I responded by saying, “Of course I am. I’m your Dad.” Janette replied by rolling her eyes at me in a way only teenagers can which communicate disgust and the implication that I am now too old to be a functioning human. Then she said, “No, Dad. I mean, you are … like famous.”

At this point, I was no longer interested in messing with her head and really wanted to just get back to my glass of wine and my current work in progress, but she’d peaked my interest. Asking for a little more information, she informed me that I now showed up on Google if you search for “Bryan Nowak”. Not even on the second or third page, I’m at the top.

As a parent, I waver between bursting her bubble and explaining how search engine optimization works and the fact that I recently updated my SEO and letting her believe she was actually the progeny of someone famous. Actually, I was, in retrospect, happy she came to me that day because it means that the SEO changes I made not only took, they were effective!

Google search
Look Ma’ Google knows who I am!

Yes, I have a website, Facebook page for my literary work, and Twitter. However, under no definition am I famous. I really don’t want to be. Well-known, okay. Sought-after, sure. A guy who gets invited to parties? Maybe sometimes. But, never famous. Famous people seem to be too busy!

Writing is a ton of hard work and the return on investment is largely a sense of satisfaction. You are constantly writing something, editing something, marketing something, and generally praying to a higher power that someone … anyone will read your book. It’s true. Sometimes … once in a great while. You break even, but that’s a rare occasion.

The prose is strong with this one!

Recently I went into my profile at the Horror Writer’s Association. It is a group I’ve belonged to since 2014. I’m an active member and just recently registered for the big convention they hold every year. When I originally set up the profile, I didn’t have any titles to my name, good or bad. I only knew that was where I wanted to go in my writing and I joined the organization.

While I was updating my contact information, I added all of the links I mentioned above for social media, my own website, and photos of myself, and my books. My point is that I’ve come a long way, but it has been a slow and steady change almost imperceptible had it not been for the need to update my information. I guess I needed to see that right now, at this point in my, still nascent, career. I can’t help but think I’ve just been trudging uphill slowly without a clue how high up that mountain I am.

My daughter turned me around and showed me the side of the hill. No, I’m not anywhere near the top … not even the first base-camp, but I’m not at the bottom either. Maybe, someday a few years from now, I’ll be at the first base-camp and will write another blog about the slow trudging uphill and my joy at breaking even for the first time. For now, I’ll just turn back around, headed up-hill, and stare at my feet as I take one step after another. Secure in the knowledge, that I’m making some—perhaps incremental—progress.

-Your Humble Servant,


Flying on a smile

I really enjoy flying. Actually, it’s probably more correct to say I find it intriguing. On one hand it’s absurd and on the other hand it’s amazing. Flying through the air in a pressurized tube, held up on only the promise of physics and aerodynamics is remarkable. At any given time, statistics tell us, that approximately 66,000 Americans are flying somewhere above the US. That statistic is a bit dated and I’m sure the number is far larger today

When I was a boy, I enjoyed air travel immensely. The idea of going somewhere requiring a plane was exotic. Back then, there was still an expectation that we’d dress up and fly in our nice clothes. We dressed up because we believed flying was a rare treat. On this trip I wore a tee-shirt and jeans with an old pair of tennis shoes. Not exactly dressing up in my Sunday best. I wasn’t alone, by the way, my fellow passengers were dressed in everything from yoga pants to what I am sure were pajamas.

Recently, I was on a plane trip out west. Filled with angst and frustration, it was kind of a pain getting through airport security and the ticket area. People were grumpy and agitated. I could feel their angst-ridden energy as I approached every stop toward my departure gate Even then people seemed grouchy and perpetually prepared to hear those words, “Flight Delayed” or some other snag in the process.

It got me to thinking about what has changed over the years. How is today any different than 30 years ago? And it hit me. It’s the people.

At the risk of sounding like a misanthrope, the people are the ones who make the entire process suck. Every person I met connected with the flight seemed prepared for confrontation with me. It was like I’d been wearing a sign around my neck that read, “I am the problem.” To make up for this I was super nice to everyone. I smiled politely when talking to people and asked how their day was. In response, I got smiles back and well wishes on my flight. It was nice to see their smiles, if only for an instant. Who knows, maybe I was the only person who said anything nice to them all day.

I think we choose to be happy or not. Now, I’m not discounting those who have legit depression. Some people have a hard time being happy no matter what the circumstances because of a medical or psychological imbalance. The rest of us are just being jerks. The person on the other end of our own vitriol may or may not deserve it, but there are times when we might just benefit humanity by smiling a little bit more and frowning whole lot less.

Sure, I have my own issues. I wish my books sold more copies, I wish I’d win the lottery, maybe I was thinner, and had more hair. To a certain extent, I can’t control those things. However, I can control how I think, act, and behave toward others.




Maybe my airline trip was a reminder for me that at the end of the day, I can only control myself. By the simple act of not being a big old jerk to others, I can help control how other people respond to me. Maybe in my own way, I can make the world a better place, one kind word at the time.

The flight was uneventful 3 ½ hours to the west and I was in Denver with no significant turbulence and the crew seemed friendly enough. That is the miracle of flying. What would take me about three days by car only took a little over three hours by plane. I silently wondered what the other approximately 66,000 people flying above the continental United States were feeling right that moment.

-Your Humbler Servant,


Saturday Reflections: Boxes of Dust

I was wracking my brain this morning trying to remember my first real “Sergeant” I had in the army. I found out something, on accident I might add, that made me go back and dig through all of my US Army records and prompted my question. The US Government owes me more retirement under the retirement system which applies to me.

Her name was was Sergeant First Class (SFC) Carol Mohs. I liked her a lot. She was patient with this newly minted Private and showed me the ropes … so to speak.

Old Sergeants never die they just smell like they did and their advice is worth the stench.

I remember, when I was still in uniform dispensing the same time honored wisdom to new Privates she gave me. Only once did I ever have to be all “Sergeantly” with a couple of soldiers. Failure to salute an officer is a crime punishable by flogging in my book.

Old School
Standing tall and looking good!

Anyway, back to my story. SFC Mohs took me all over the place with her, showing me everything there was to see at the old 34th ID HQ. She even introduced me to the Commanding General at the time, who she happened to be on a first name basis with!  She was great. I was lucky to have known her.

One piece of advice always stuck in my head and never failed me. It is something I’ve gone back to, time and time again, and it still serves. She said, “Private Nowak, never … under any circumstances, you understand … never throw anything the army gives you in the trash. Put it in a file and at the end of the year put the date on it and put that file in the basement.”

So, in order to get credit for this time in my pension, I needed to produce my US Army orders to show the powers that be how much time I needed to be credited. All time served under what is called Title 10 service. So, down to the basement I go.

In the back of the room, an old apple box, sits in the corner. The sides are held together with multiple layers of tape and the box is normally covered in about an inch of dust. Over a few weeks I have gone through that box … line by line … page by page … looking for anything which will substantiate my claim to adjust my retirement. I found what I was looking for, but I also found tons of other things. Here is a partial list.

  • Love letters from my then fiance (wife of almost 21 years)
  • An old stationary book, used to hold stationary, I bought when I made my first trip to Norfolk.
  • A list of fellow squad members from the old 147th MI BN with phone numbers and addresses
  • A ship information sheet (USS Vella Gulf) for a tour I took while she was at port
  • Bunches of required financial statements I filed which pertained to college
  • An old ID card given back to me when I entered active duty
  • Promotion orders from E-1 through E-6
They let an army guy tour the USS Vella Gulf

I think it’s fitting that this Memorial Day weekend I am going through life as a young soldier all over again. In some ways, it helps me remember the wonderful people I served with over the years. Military people are the greatest people in the world. The best ones lead by serving others. Being a senior NCO doesn’t mean you have people supporting you, it means you support those people below you. That is the lesson I learned from SFC Mohs.

And, in case you are wondering, the total amount of time I can add to my retirement credit is around 9 months. It doesn’t seem like a lot, but when it comes time to retire, I know I’ll be glad that I went through that box. And to SFC Carol Mohs, who I lost touch with after she retired, I’d love to give her a great big ole hug. It was her advice which made this trip though memory lane possible. I didn’t know it then, but she was serving her troops as a leader and her advice still serves me today.

The United States Army has given me everything I have today. It made me who I am. This Memorial Day, think about the freedoms we have which were won by those who took an oath. That oath is to put their lives on the line for their fellow countrymen/countrywomen. NCO (non-commissioned officers) do not rise to their positions because they want to order people around, but they rise to that position because they want to serve others and see a world larger then their own.

-Your Humble Servant,

Formerly Staff Sergeant, Bryan Nowak



I am angry for the children of Manchester

As humans, we say a lot. It seems that at times on Facebook and other media we offer opinions, conclusions, and theories on things that we largely don’t know that much about. Today I was dismayed at the opinions, thoughts, and ideas portrayed on social media about the events unfolding in London.

I have friends who live in London, as a matter fact I have friends living all over England. It’s unfair and even outrageous that people would even consider the social dialogue that’s going on right now with regard to the young people who lost their lives in London. As a matter fact, I’m going to say something that I seldom ever say. I find people engaging in this kind of dialogue despicable human beings. Behind every one of those harebrained theories, idiotic comments, and downright mean observations there are grieving families. Anyone sitting there and saying this wouldn’t happen if we all just learn to get along should be forced to get on an airplane to England and say that to the parents that lost a child in the explosion.

As I read over some of the media today, I found myself physically ill. I couldn’t understand how this got politicize so quickly. Many years ago, I was a firefighter and I remember one scene where a young man was involved in a car accident. We worked him, and that is to say that we try to save his life, but failed. That bothered me for weeks and there was no way I would have ever thought about making a political statement about it. I kept thinking to myself how sad that loss was for that family. And yet, today the value human life is so cheap that we can’t even stop and be sad about such a senseless tragedy.

I don’t give a damn what your political beliefs are, and I don’t give a damn who you think the blame should fall on. If you’re out there, spouting nonsense about how this shows one political organization is right and one political organization is wrong, in my mind you’re a fucking coward.

I realize of course, this isn’t going to stop people from being ridiculous and showing their own ignorant opinions on the internet. Stupid people are going to spout all kinds of half-baked theories. It is my solemn hope that somebody somewhere sees these words and stop and think that maybe anything they post on the Internet could be seen by a family member of one of those children who died.

It is my fondest wish that those responsible who provided any kind of material and technical support for this act will meet a horrible end. I mean … I hope they’re sitting around their house congratulating each other on a job well done when a large explosion rips them into tiny pieces. Yes, I can understand why people would want justice in the form of a prison sentence, but not me. I can understand why people would think that way, but I simply cannot share this philosophy. My daughter could have just as well been at such a concert. Any one of those children could have been my own. It is my firmest belief that there are people in this world who are so evil, so devoid of humanity, and so reprehensible that they lose the right to live.

And furthermore, when they reach whatever passes as their after life, I hope they’re judged. Judged not by a higher power, but by the people whose lives they took. It would seem to me that this would be ultimate justice.


Living in the town of Riapoke

There is a strange feeling that comes with the completion of a novel. I don’t mean the day you type ‘The End’ on the final page, but the day you actually get all of your files loaded if you are an indie-author like I am. I can guess it is probably the same when an agented author gets the final e-mail indicating they are essentially done futzing around with the files and need nothing more from you.

I am proud to tell you I have finally finished Riapoke. Those of you who know me will realize this was supposed to be my fourth book, but it ended up taking third position for a couple of reasons I won’t go into. No matter what the positioning, it is out there and exists in the world for pre-order. It’s official launch date will be the 27th of May. Click on the graphic below and you can see Riapoke on my author page at Amazon.


I am, naturally, ecstatic but also a little frazzled right now. My life has been pretty much solely about this book for the last eight months and now that it is done, I can’t help but feel a little like I am wandering the halls of my house wondering, Well, what should I do now?

Perhaps that is always the way writers are supposed to feel once they get a project done. A little euphoria mixed with the confused impulses of feeling like you are supposed to be doing something with yourself, but not really entirely sure what.

Naturally, some of you are going to glare at me and say, “You need to go write something.” A few will even suggest I take the day off and relax a little. To be fair, I actually did take two days off, but that was so I could attend a book related event in Virginia Beach, so I guess that doesn’t really count. And, in the interest of full disclosure, I did work on the outline for a future project.

Perhaps, at the end of the day, sitting down and writing something … anything … is the right answer (the write answer?). Take a moment to be happy I finished Riapoke (now available for pre-order) and then just put my nose back to the grindstone to see what tale falls out of me next.

-Your Humble Servant