Will the Humans Get Off the Planet?

I’m going to do something I normally would never do. I’m going to apologize right out of the gate. You see, I’m certainly going to anger a few of you. If not, maybe irritate you a little. Lately, I’ve been watching things happen around me that struck me as mildly disturbing. I have come to the conclusion that the animal, known as human, is inherently stupid. I mean really stupid. If there were a competition made up of all of the species on planet earth called “Earths Got Talent”, we’d likely be laughed off the stage in the first round.

Name me another species that willingly goes to work eight to ten hours a day and only takes two weeks off a year … if ever. And that is not just it, there’s more.

When you tell people you are a horror writer they insist on telling you what televisions shows you should be watching. Really? Didn’t you hear me? I am a writer. I don’t have time to watch shows. When you are a writer people will instantly tell you that they could be a writer too if they only had the time and ambition. Really? By that logic, I could be an Astronaut.

People will tell you that they would love to read your book … if you give them a free copy. That is like going to a cupcake store and telling them you’d be willing to like them on Facebook they give you a free cupcake. Or going to J.C. Penny and telling them you will put in a good work for them if they give you a free shirt. No people, it doesn’t work that way!

My own personal examples aside, you see the rampant stupidity in all walks of life. For example, when people announce they are having a child, people who have no children feel it’s their duty to give advice on child rearing. Or when your computer isn’t working and tech support tells you that they’ve been trying to get a hold of you through e-mail.

Consider the lion. The African lion lives in relative harmony. It sleeps where it’s comfortable. It eats only what it needs to survive. Pretty much just does its thing. With the exception of humans, it has a pretty good life. The same can be said of giraffes, elephants, and meerkats.

The American river otter has a pretty good life.

“Hey, Tom Otter, what do you want to do today?” Jack Otter said.

Tom thought this over for a moment. “Well, Jack, I think I want to eat fish or maybe a clam.”

“You know, I was thinking the same thing,” Jack Otter said. “But after we eat, we should play. Then maybe nap.”

Tom stopped grooming his fur and looked at his friend. “Oh gosh Jack, you always know how to have the best kind of day.”

You’ll notice that in the American workforce today you never see a single otter putting in a 10 hour day. It just doesn’t happen. Seriously, otters just don’t do that kind of thing. The same thing could be said of the elephant, giraffe, lion or even the lovable beagle.

And we are the most evolved species on the planet? I don’t know guys, I think anecdotal evidence might not really support this thesis.

-Your Humble Servant,



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