****From the Candidate’s Headquarters****
My fellow Americans. There are times when we, as a nation, must act. And today we must act! I have decided to suspend my campaign effective immediately. I do this not because I love my country less that the other person, but because I feel a deeper calling. I have recently been introduced to the peril we face, as a nation, from fictional serial killers.
I urge you, all citizens of the English speaking world, to drop what you are doing and follow my lead. We
should must take the time to enrich ourselves through literature. Look no further and read The Dramatic Dead. Remember, the knowledge you gain may save your life. Or, at least entertain you for a while.
*This message was endorsed by Bryan the Writer!