I have often said that few people I know would really want to live inside of my mind. I started saying it years ago as a bit of a joke. But as I grow older I become more and more aware of how true that statement might be. It took me years to accept who I really was. It took me a little longer to stop trying to change me and just accept that I was the way I am. There is no real need to change that.
Many years ago I wanted to be an accountant or a businessman, but it was only after many years that I realized there was no way I would be any good at those things. I read a book called, “The Highly Sensitive Person” by Dr. Elaine Aron. It completely changed the way I looked at myself. It taught me that above all I have to be happy with who I am. Every last bump, blemish, and thinning hair was part of the make-up that was me. I had to accept I’m not the organized, driven person that I thought I was. I realized, I had the heart and soul of an artist.
Getting to the point that you can accept yourself for who you are is hard. But it is hugely liberating as well. It really opens up the world when you realize your strengths, but maybe also your weaknesses.
I am Bryan the Writer. I can be moody, sad, happy, creative, dull, inspired, disinterested, and I can feel most alone in a room full of people. And sometimes I am many of these things all at once. That’s who I am. Sometimes I need to be alone. Sometimes I need to be surrounded by people. I take on other people’s emotions and will emit those back. When I am in a bad mood, sometimes it is just because I was with someone in a bad mood.
Emotions can be toxic to me, make me sick. And those emotions can flow out of my fingers and onto the page. That is the soul of an artist though. Your thoughts and feelings are manifest in your creation. What you are feeling, what you are interpreting, what you are sensing is what falls out of you when you write. Maybe the world would be a far better place if we all just learned to accept who we were and worried less about who we are not.
-Your Humble Servant, Bryan the Writer