I think, today, I’m going to offend you!

I am a nice guy. No, really, stop laughing, I’m a really nice guy. I pay my taxes on time, I go to church, I try not to hurt people’s feelings deliberately, I’m a nice guy. But I really want to offend you today!

Recently I re-read something I posted on Facebook and the thought occurred to me I might have actually offended someone. I was aghast, shocked, mortified, and a bunch of other adjectives. How could sweet little ole’ me offend someone? But then a dark thought occurred to my normally sunshiny brain, “How can I do it more often?”

“But Bryan, you are a good kid. Why would you want to do that?”

Hear me out! I’m a writer. I won’t make any statement on whether I’m good at it or not. I’ll let my future body of work determine that. If you wish to explore if I am any good or not, “No Name” is available on Amazon, but I digress.

Books are made up of an endless number of combinations of the same 26 letters, if you are writing in the English language. There are some combinations that are bound to insult, irritate, hurt, and generally upset any number of you out there. And that’s a great thing.

When you read about “No Name” severing the head off of the man it encounters on the street, it likely made you cringe a little bit. In my next book, I am convinced, will generate lots of angry e-mails on my portrayal of what Heaven looks like. Not because it’s bad, but because if flies in the face of some people’s ideas of a bunch of white clothed angels flying around playing harps. Yes, I’m going to upset readers at some point, but that’s reality.

There are even a certain percentage of you out there who will read this and be offended by my assertion that I am going to be offensive!

However, believe me when I say, the fact that I can offend you is a great thing. It gives us two very important date points.

  1. You are alive and can read to be offended! Congrats!
  2. My job of writer is really to communicate to you and if I’ve made you feel uncomfortable and offended your sensibilities then I have been successful!

So huzzah for us!  Both writer and reader have done their parts.

Now to be offensive: A Mexican, White Guy, African American, Chinese guy, a Polish guy, a Jew, Catholic, Methodist, Lutheran, Lawyer, Priest, Pastor, Monk, Rabbi, Native American Shaman, and a Non-denominational spiritualist walk into a bar (If I have missed your particular sensitivity, please feel included). They all tell racially insensitive and morally questionable jokes while drinking their favorite beverage. They all laughed at the inherent silliness of stereotypes which have persisted over the years. Ultimately they played pool, threw darts, drink beer and shared pictures of their children with one another.  No one shot anyone and everyone came out with a better understanding of what offends or doesn’t offend their fellow man.

No, it is not a funny joke, but I’ll give you my two cents worth. Ultimately humanity needs to do a better job of laughing at itself. I like to think I do my part, but sometimes I am going to offend you. I’m sorry for your sensitivities, but I’m not going to change who I am because you might have your feelings hurt.

I am of Polish descent. I love Polish jokes, I don’t find them offensive at all. I have a whole raft of them at my disposal whenever I have time to spend with a fellow Pollacks. It’s a racial slur I wear with a certain amount of pride.

So: Three pollacks walk into a bar, they all had to go the hospital for treatment.

Now, get back to reading and I will get back to writing!

-Your Humble Servant, Bryan the Writer

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